im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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