someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
