You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
