Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize