Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
