Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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