someone threw a dead crab at me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
