The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
