so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
