If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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