just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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