I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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