Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize