you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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