I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
