1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What a fucking waste of an outfit
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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