The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
