Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
