I am puke
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You made out with two different species that night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize