I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
