And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize