Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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