My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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