I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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