I just made out with a guy for $7.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
