I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
