at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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