I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
