you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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