if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
