Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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