Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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