HIV tests are more positive than that guy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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