Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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