the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We need to get me chipped asap
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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