Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
