When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
