Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
