I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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