I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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