i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize