Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
