Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
