i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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