There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
