i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize