I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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