oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
