She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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