his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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