mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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