No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
