you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
