we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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