he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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