I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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