i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
