I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
