FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
