There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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