And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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