I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize