"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
