Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
