She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize