I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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