What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
