I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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