I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
