Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
