he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's blow job season.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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