you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
