He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
