I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
