he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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