Need sex. Gaining weight.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
