my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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