that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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