WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
