sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She even gives head with a lisp.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
