She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
