oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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