You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
