Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
