I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
