i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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