i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
