Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
