I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize