there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
