Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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