Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
