BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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