Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
