I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
